Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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