I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
