Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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