Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
