i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
