i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
