when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My vagina just recognized that song.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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