my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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