I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the condom got lost in my hair
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You dont lie about slip and slides
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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