It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
