No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it's like heaven, but drunker
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
