I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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