Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
