i may or may not be watching the land before time
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
