You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
