I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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