she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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