so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
