I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
