toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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