Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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