I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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