We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
