Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
