I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
