You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
