Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
