He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Randomize
