I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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