I must be too annoying 4 u.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
