why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
