I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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