i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
