Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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