I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
