you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
