That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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