it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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