so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
