he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
