3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
