I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
