That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
