did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
