The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
