i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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