My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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