dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
