You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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