i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
