so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
