we're blogging at a bar
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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